Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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