he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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