I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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