Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
