the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
