But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
