When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
