i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
