Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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