Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
