i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
