I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
