I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
