My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
