I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
