I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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