Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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