So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
