Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
