So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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