just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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