he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
