oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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