...so i touched it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
