There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
