Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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