put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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