hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
