Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
