I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
