I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
