It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
