this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
