do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
