So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize