It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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