NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
did you just send me my own nude
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
