My liver just broke up with me...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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