I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
