I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
