just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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