And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
