fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
