Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
handjob tips. give me some.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
