I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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