i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
