there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
