There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
