my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
