You made me cry and you don't even care
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
