That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
