took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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