I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize