having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
