I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize