I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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