My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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