My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize