he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
