It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just high enough for therapy.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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