When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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