I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
