And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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