I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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