hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize