your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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