Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize