Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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