I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
