I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
