She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
