I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
