Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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