we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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