I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
