carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
