i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize